A Mother’s Day Letter to My Late Mom

As everyone is brunching, spa-ing, shopping, and laughing with their mothers, I’m comfortably in bed, remembering you and how safe the world was when you were next to me.

I would give anything for five minutes just to ask you how you’ve been. I want to tell you about all you’ve missed, while you’ve been on the greatest vacation of all time. Did you see me? Did you see my heartbreak, did you see when I spoke fiercely the same way you did, did you see the party I threw for dad?

Mother’s Day became so bittersweet when you left us. My heart breaks when I wish so terribly that you were here. I wish with every ounce of my being that we became the mother and daughter, doubled in age, sitting on the park bench together. I wish that life had allowed us to have more time together than my troubled teenage years. I wish that when I become a mother, you would be my late night call pleading, “mom, I can’t get him to stop crying!” I wish that you were going to be next to me on my wedding day. I wish I could drive to your house in the morning for coffee, the same way you did with your mom. I wish I didn’t have moments of feeling like I was robbed of my time with you.

You gave me some of the best of your days. You gave me your Christmas-morning smile (where you turned into a kid again). You gave me your old-soul advice that I will carry with me throughout my life. You gave me your loopy wine-drunk (rarely, but hilariously). You gave me your vulnerability, and you gave me your fierceness. You gave me my whole world, literally and metaphorically, and you gave me – you created – the woman I am today…the woman moulded, taught, and loved by you.

Happy Mother’s Day to my ma, who taught me all about life, even through her death. On a day that’s meant to be full of gifts and celebrations for you, I feel as though I have received the ultimate gift – being your daughter.

I love you THIS much – to the moon,

10 Things to Thank Your Mom For

Right now, I urge you to go hug your mother and thank her…

1. Thank you for greeting me with hugs and ice cream after a bad day. Whenever I thought things couldn’t get better, you always made sure they did.
2. Thank you for disobeying my wish to be alone, and coming into my room when I was curled up into a ball crying. You cried with me and always made sure I knew that I wasn’t in this world alone.
3. Thank you for being the worlds most fearless woman. You had the kindest heart, yet were a hardass when you had to be. You taught me the beauty in being multi-faceted.
4. Thank you for telling me when I was wearing too much eyeliner or when my shirt was too low in high school. You taught me class.
5. Thank you for being strong enough to let me in on your weak moments. I had even more respect for you when I saw you overcome them, and you taught me that we are all allowed to be human.
6. Thank you for letting me tell my deepest secrets to you without judgement (even when they were TMI). You were my place of refuge.
7. Thank you for our mommy-daughter movie nights, and for making those take priority over the sixteen year girl that would rather hang out with her friends. Our relaxing evenings together are some of my favourite memories.
8. Thank you for being my worst enemy when I was out of line. You taught me the importance of boundaries and respect but…
9. …thank you for being my best friend the remainder of the time. I’ve never met a better friend than you, ma.
10. Thank you for teaching me (without knowing it) how to be similar to the woman you were. There’s never been a better gift than looking in the mirror and seeing a little piece of you.

Please go and thank your mothers. You’ll never know when the opportunity to thank them may pass.

P.S. January Favourites to come tomorrow!