A Mother’s Day Letter to My Late Mom

As everyone is brunching, spa-ing, shopping, and laughing with their mothers, I’m comfortably in bed, remembering you and how safe the world was when you were next to me.

I would give anything for five minutes just to ask you how you’ve been. I want to tell you about all you’ve missed, while you’ve been on the greatest vacation of all time. Did you see me? Did you see my heartbreak, did you see when I spoke fiercely the same way you did, did you see the party I threw for dad?

Mother’s Day became so bittersweet when you left us. My heart breaks when I wish so terribly that you were here. I wish with every ounce of my being that we became the mother and daughter, doubled in age, sitting on the park bench together. I wish that life had allowed us to have more time together than my troubled teenage years. I wish that when I become a mother, you would be my late night call pleading, “mom, I can’t get him to stop crying!” I wish that you were going to be next to me on my wedding day. I wish I could drive to your house in the morning for coffee, the same way you did with your mom. I wish I didn’t have moments of feeling like I was robbed of my time with you.

You gave me some of the best of your days. You gave me your Christmas-morning smile (where you turned into a kid again). You gave me your old-soul advice that I will carry with me throughout my life. You gave me your loopy wine-drunk (rarely, but hilariously). You gave me your vulnerability, and you gave me your fierceness. You gave me my whole world, literally and metaphorically, and you gave me – you created – the woman I am today…the woman moulded, taught, and loved by you.

Happy Mother’s Day to my ma, who taught me all about life, even through her death. On a day that’s meant to be full of gifts and celebrations for you, I feel as though I have received the ultimate gift – being your daughter.

I love you THIS much – to the moon,

Dear ex boyfriend;

Dear ex boyfriend,

I was asked today if we had broken up. For the first time, I was able to reply “yes we did,” without cringing or hesitation. I now know that I am ready to face the reality of my tiny world without you in it.

I was immediately caught up in our whirlwind romance – too blinded by extraordinary love to notice a single red flag. I spent my moments, kissing your cheeks, with the faint breath of intuition down my neck saying, “just one more minute”. You abolished any doubt I had that I was incapable of giving love. I loved you fiercely, with every bone of my body, out of my mind. My stomach was filled with fluttering butterflies, my eyes were filled with happy tears, and my future was filled with plans and excitement.

And then, I outgrew you. Our paths diverged and we journeyed into opposite directions, leaving our love at the fork in the road. I loved you dearly, and you broke my heart in the softest way – allowing me to walk alone, with fond memories and brilliant lessons.

You were the last face I saw at night, and the lips I kissed as the sun came up. My routine meshed into yours. You were my best friend, the love of my life. However, I am ready to explore a new life, with a new skin…with my same heart, no longer paralleled to your own.

I am finally ready to let go of you, in all of your glory, and in all of my love for you. I am ready to release you. I will never diminish the capacity of love we had for each other, due to the bitterness of a heartbreak.

For you, I wish flowerbeds of giggles and smooches. I wish late night conversations, and sleepy morning cuddles. I wish your heart beams so brightly that you cannot contain it…and a smile erupts from ear to ear. For you, I wish everything beautiful, and I wish it with somebody that can walk your path with you until the very end.

Thank you for showing me the resilience of being a woman. Thank you for showing me that my life is not defined purely by moments – not the worst ones, or the best. Thank you for showing me that I could lose a great love, yet become wholer, fuller and happier. My life does not revolve around the love I receive, but the love I give.

Once yours,

C

But he is not the sun. You are.

-Christina Yang

 

 

THOUGHT | CATALOG

I was hoping to bring you guys an exciting beauty related post today. Unfortunately, I am in bed sick after a whirlwind of a month. Instead, I wanted to share some exciting news with you guys!

I was published in Thought Catalog! Though Catalog is an incredible website which publishes works from thousands of writers. I follow them on nearly every social media platform.

I’ll link my article A Letter To My 16-Year-Old Self here. I would love if you checked it out.

I’ll be back to my normal posting once I’m feeling a little better, sorry for the delay! I miss you all and I hope you’re having a wonderful week,

FOR | BLOG-FRIENDS

I feel like I’ve hit a minor milestone in my blog, and I am quite excited about it. Blogging has already given me a sense of unity. I have met some of you who share similar interests or stories, which makes me feel a little less alone.

I love sharing my makeup reviews and my music preferences with you all, however, there is more to me than just that. I do want us all to get to know each other on a deeper level as well.

If you have a moment, I would love it if you would check out my Tribute page. It’ll help you get to know me a little better.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my posts and to comment. You have already enriched my life. If you’re interested, feel free to add me on Instagram. I would love to share my life in photos with you, and see your beautiful faces!