Hung up on an ex?

I (regrettably) treat past relationships similarly to the death of a loved one. I’ve spent the greater part of my adult life mourning over the loss of a boyfriend. There were even times where I had been in a thriving, happy relationship, yet still (secretly) reviling from a broken heart. When I finally was capable of emotionally moving past one relationship, it seemed as if I had another one to miss. I have a difficult time coming to terms with minimizing the wonderful men that I’ve had the privilege to love to just a faint smile in the grocery store – your one time best friend becoming the epitome of a stranger, as if you never knew them at all.

One of my girl friends is now in a similar situation. She is working on letting a very long term relationship go, and she asked me what the secret is to moving passed her hurt.

Feel your hurt

I have experienced torrential loss throughout my life. I lost my brother to suicide, and my mother to cancer. However, I stand by the notion that there is no pain quite like heartbreak. It is such a unique, debilitating feeling. So, feel your hurt.

I’m convinced that part of my reason for carrying my hurt for so long is due to my fear of really feeling it at first. It was too painful, so I pushed through it…prolonging the effects. Cry, eat your weight in carbs, and when it’s time to pick yourself up, then stand back up.

Closure is bullshit

Two points for unpopular opinion. I have heard so many women saying “I just need closure”, as if their key to healing is in the hands of the person that broke their heart. At the end of the day, people will only tell you what they want to tell you – despite your pleas for “closure”.

You were in the relationship too, so you should be able to evaluate where the strengths and weaknesses fell. Find your own closure, and take the reasoning that they freely gave for face value.

Know your values

You are the only person who can set your standards. There is no “perfect” relationship, or a formula that will make everybody happy. Some people want financial stability, some people want passion and heat, some people want extraordinary love, and some people just want companionship. You have to find your match for the kind of relationship you want to have.

If you’ve met a man who has been on the search his whole life for a stay at home wife, but living that way makes you feel repressed, then you either have to compromise hugely or accept that you may just be on different paths.

A good guy does not mean that he is good for YOU

There are billions of wonderful, kind, hilarious successful men out there (I’ve had the pleasure of dating a handful of them), however just because you’ve found a good man, doesn’t mean he is a good match for you. Maybe you want different things, maybe you are on different paths, maybe timing just won’t permit the relationship right now.

Speaking of timing, do I believe that two people can eventually end up back together in a thriving, happy relationship? ABSOLUTELY! I am all for the underdog couple who came back together. However, I believe that time has to pass, pain has to heal, and lessons have to be learned before that can be successful. And in good news…if that isn’t the case for you, and one day you realize that the two of you probably won’t end up together, I believe that you’ll be in a better place, and at the point, you likely won’t care.

Which brings me to my next point…

Do not victimize, romanticize or “villainize”

Villainize – For starters, we have all been there with our girlfriends, “He was such a dick”. Sometimes it is exactly what you need to hear when you have a broken heart, but leaving a relationship with hate will keep you stuck. Leave it with love. I promise that you will find your heart more open when it is left with kindness, opposed to animosity. You probably did have bad times together, which is okay…it’s a sign that your relationship was coming to an end.

Romanticize – Now this was my FAVOURITE thing to do after a relationship. “But it was sooo good when it was good”. It was so easy to think back to the good times and the honeymoon phase, and use those memories to fuel your heartbreak. Step back and look at the big picture…good times came with the bad. Don’t lose sight of what your relationship was as a whole.

Victimize – When your heart is broken and you’re crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, it is easy to victimize yourself. Trust in the path of the universe and that you are exactly where you need to be. Eventually, one day, it really does make sense.

Analyze your ego

Okay, so this is a tough pill to swallow. Understand the power of ego and analyze what part it plays in the way you’re feeling. We all fall victim to wanting what we can’t have. What part of your grief is a bruised ego of no longer having this person pine over you?

On the other hand…when you receive a late night text from your ex, analyze what part ego is playing for them when they contact you after months. Maybe they just need the security of somebody they once loved still being on their roster.

A better door won’t open until you’ve learned to close the last one

The universe will NOT reward you for the work that you aren’t doing. Romantic relationships are some of the most powerful, influential, and yes, sometimes excruciating tools in our lifetime.

Through both love and heartbreak, you can learn so much about yourself. However, you have to put these lessons to use and learn from them in order for the universe to grant you something even better and stronger.

In the words of Elizabeth Gilbert, “if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself… then truth will not be withheld from you.”

And with that, how beautiful is it that we are taught invaluable lessons from all of the people that we once had the privilege to love? And that we have the ability to love greater, fuller, and stronger because of the part they played in your life?

July 2018 PLAYLIST

Hey everyone!

 

I hope your summer is treating you well! We just celebrated Canada Day on July 1st, which means summer is really kicking off here. I know a lot of you have the 4th of July celebrations creeping up on you, so to all of my USA friends – have safe and be fun!

I have been getting lost in music lately and I had to share some of my favs with you guys.

• Summer Air – Italobrothers
• Midsummer Madness – 88rising (ft. Jodi, Rich Brian, Higher Brothers & AUGUST 08)
• Run – Matt Nathanson (ft. Sugarland)
• Love Ain’t – Eli Young Band
• You & Jennifer – bülow
• Glamorgan- Bryce Vine
• Vance Joy’s ENTIRE new album
• Mama’s Song – Carrie Underwood (tears)

Can’t wait to see what all of you are getting up to this July,

xx

Blurred Lines of Sexual Misconduct (…and just being a half decent person)

I was sent a picture of my vagina today. While I was getting my hair done. This was just one of a slew of nude pictures of myself that I have been sent.

From my ex boyfriend.

I could have gotten the same result with a hand mirror and a good angle, however, my ex boyfriend has felt impelled to send me unsolicited nude photos of myself. We broke up about two years ago now, and since, I have moved on to my dream relationship with my dream man. Yet, the picture’s of myself keep rolling in. Annoyingly.

This was a man that I trusted, and I pictured in my future. This was a man that I thought respected me, and my body. And yes, rest assured, this was a man that I had REQUESTED delete the photos of me post-breakup.

After finally having enough of this, I sat down with my father (yes, my dad) to discuss the situation that was occurring. What was the motive behind this behaviour? Best case scenario, it’s a power move. Worst case, it’s a non-verbal threat. Did we have a case to bring to court? Could this be considered sexual harassment? Is this grounds for a restraining order? Hmm…unlikely.

Unfortunately, this has only been one incidence I’ve had since being single that blur the lines of sexual misconduct. I’ll save you the gory details of my sex life, but let’s talk more broadly. The hockey player that receives a “nudie” from the girl in his math class, and just tilts his phone to the right so three other players can see her exposed. The new boyfriend that convinces his girlfriend to have sex with him for the first time, despite her  claims of not being ready. The working husband who demands sex from his stay at home wife because he “works hard to put food on the table”. The one night stand who took a woman home who consented to sex WITH a condom, but he thrusted into her because he  “didn’t hear her”. The aching man who texts his uninterested ex girlfriend daily, without threat, but continues despite her insistence on him stopping. And you guessed it folks, the ex boyfriend who sent the girl nude photos of herself just to remind her that he had the power.

I’m talking the cases that would be weak in a court of law, but happen on a daily basis. The cases that we have little to no fight against. The cases that do not have sanctions in the Criminal Code, and can, somehow, be justified in the minds of a perpetrator just enough to help him sleep at night.

So who do I think is to blame for this epidemic? What is the cause of it?

I live in Canada, where our Criminal Justice System is both strong and fair. In my country, we have little tolerance for rape, and throw the book at serious offences. The justice system has done a good job navigating sexual abuse claims (for the most part), and our society talks openly about the importance and definition of consent. Except what about the grey areas?

Despite our best efforts, we are still a male-dominated society, where power is highly sought after. With technology, harassment has become easier than ever. Not to mention, with social media constantly feeding into our egos, it has become increasingly difficult to accept rejection. With one Instagram post, you can feel enough validation to last you a whole week – when people have 10,000 followers gawking over you, is it becoming easier  to believe that you are entitled to the things that you want?

I’m not saying that everybody falls victim to this, because I know they don’t. For instance, I have found myself the most handsome (sort of biased), yet humble man that does nothing but treat me with upmost respect. I say no, it’s a no…and he hears it with nothing other than gentlemanly class. Nor am I saying that this is only a male-centred issue, that’s just where majority (or all) of my expertise lies.

In response to my ex boyfriend’s well-executed, power-dominated “harassment”, I reclaimed the power. Instead of harbouring and suppressing this, I spoke to my dad, boyfriend, best friend, and hair dresser about this. I created an emergency plan to be initiated in the event that these photos are leaked (which luckily, is a criminal offence with no grey area).

Yet here I am still questioning, why the need for power and ego have the ability to override kindness, human decency and respect? How do we, as a whole, reverse this way of prioritizing?

SUMMER DATE IDEAS

Hello lovelies,

For all of my people in the Western hemisphere, I hope summer is treating you well and that you’re getting plenty of well-SPF’ed sunshine! I know that summer is one of the most romantic seasons (whether you’re in a long-term relationship or playing the singles game), so I came up with a list of summer date ideas that’ll be worth checking out this season.

Hiking

• Okay, so I’m a little biased, and I live only 3 minutes away from Jasper and the Great Canadian Rockies! Sothroughout the summer, you can frequently find me hiking up a mountain. However, if you don’t have easy access to the mountains, you can still hike local trails!

Beach days

• Okay, so there might not be too many things more relaxing than a beach date with your beau. Rent a canoe, paddle board or kayaks to make the day a little more adventurous! Or even catch the sunset on the water.

Local/county fair

• Go walk the county fair, appreciate the street performers, snack on some cotton candy, win a teddy bear and MOST DEFINITELY take a romantic trip for two around the ferris wheel.
• Speaking of ferris wheel – I NEED TO GO TO BRIGHTON.

Volunteer

• I know that majority of non-profit organizations are looking for volunteers, and not to mention – ANIMAL SHELTERS! I volunteer at one of the local shelters in Edmonton, Alberta and I love it. Spend your date day making the world a better place!

• 

Berry Picking

• I know in Canada, we have lots of farmers that let people come through with buckets and pick berries, apples, vegetables, etc. Pinpoint a warm evening to do this with your handsome beau.

Wine tasting

• This is for my 18+ (or 21+ in the USA) peeps, but a wine tasting date is a great idea! Book a wine tour, and sip on some alcohol in the summer sun
• Not to mention, is there any very more beautiful than a vineyard?

Star gazing

• All I’m saying, is that your boyfriend has a pickup truck, then lay down a blanket and drive out to a remote location. Pop some bubbly and just lay there and look at the BEAUTIFUL NIGHT SKY!

Driving range

• Go hit some balls and show that you’re a good sport! Besides, he can wrap his arms around you.

Let me know if you have any additional date ideas for the summer? I’ll be using them for me and mine!

Happy sunshine and summertime,

Shop here: www.muttsnmotivation.com 

Visit me here: www.instagram.com/celinadawdy

Writer, dog lover…and BUSINESS OWNER?

Hello all my lovely friends,

I apologise for my recent absence. I have had my sights set on a business venture that I am SO passionate in. As majority of you know, I am an avid animal lover. I own three of my own little rascals, that made my entire world spin around. I have been a volunteer at the local shelter for three years now, and have done fundraising on the side since I was a child.

I finally got the ball rolling on my own online shop! I sell apparel for animal lovers – and get this – a percentage of proceeds goes toward North American rescues! I am so excited to finally be doing something that makes my heart sing, while simultaneously giving back.

 

Here are a few samples of the things we are selling! Not to mention, we can have your favourite breed written in the FRIENDS font on the most cozy crewneck EVER!

Despite the fact that these samples look like they are geared toward the pitbull lover, I can customise any of the samples to fit the breed and/or name of your favourite fur-baby!

If you’re interested in checking it out, you can find me HERE.

I hope you all had a lovely long weekend, xx

#humboldtstrong

I met death in the form of suicide and disease. Death, to me, was always introduced with the concept of acceptance. I naively believed that in order to die, you have to accept it – or perhaps, even welcome it. I, and all of my friends, were immune to death because we were young and breathing and full of life.

But then, death re-introduced itself to me at 7 PM on April 6th in the face of tragedy, with my loving, kind boyfriend weeping in my arms, mourning the loss of his best friend. Death re-introduced itself to my life, and to the lives of every other Canadian…on a bus, on the plains of Saskatchewan, on a chilly evening, on the way to a playoff game. Death engulfed sixteen lives without warning, without explanation and without acceptance. And there, my relationship with death had been permanently changed.

Ten days later, I sat third row at a funeral service for a 21 year old man. He was handsome, funny, and kind. He was a friend, a son, a brother, a leader and an incredible hockey player. The service was beautiful, and as the speeches rolled in, so did the smiles and the tears and the odd giggle of the stories that held so much LIFE.

And then, something so powerful happened.

The pastor opened up the mic for the crowd to tell their stories of the lost. An unfamiliar man from the back stood up, and walked toward the front. He was older and wearing a Humboldt Broncos jersey. He held no paper speech as he walked confidently up toward the stand. I watched him as I wondered who this stranger was. And then he spoke.

“My name is Toby Boulet. My son is Logan Boulet, who passed on April 6th,” I was quick to realize that Logan Boulet, also a victim of the Humboldt crash, was a teammate of Conner’s.

The whole crowd silenced, and I began to weep as this man stood there in front of everyone. Just days after burying his own son, he made his way to Slave Lake to mourn the loss of his son’s teammate. His speech was short, but astounding.

Toby Boulet quoted the book Wonder by R.J. Palacio, “I think there should be a rule that everyone in the world should get a standing ovation at least once in their lives,” followed by, “To Conner Lukan”.

The entire crowd stood, and clapped hard, while Toby Boulet walked off stage and hugged Conner’s dad. The embrace was long and hard – these two men connecting after losing their sons.

It was in that moment, applause all around me, that not only my relationship with death was changed – but my relationship with life too.

As we walked out of the church, I looked to my boyfriend, “If we get to experience a moment so beautiful and powerful like that on Earth, than how beautiful must Heaven be?”

February 2018 PLAYLIST

I’m back (already) with a peek into my phenomenal music favs. Hit me up for a little singer/songwriter, some EDM…you name it, I got it (except for you metal fans – I can’t get on board with that. I’m sorry.

• I’m Not Her by Clara Mae (brb, dancing in my panties with a glass of wine)
• Mine by Bazzi (you so fkn’ precious when you smiiiiile)
• We’re Going Home by Vance Joy (put it on the record: I want this to be my funeral song. With any luck, Vance Joy will be my mourning husband (love you so much))
• The Best You Had by Nina Nesbitt (irrelevant to my current relationship but I just DWELL on the time my shitty ex-boyfriend cheated on me and dated “the other girl” after)
• 13 and The Breakup and EVERYTHING by LANY (so glad I found this incredible team)
• Summer Air by Italobrothers (dreaming of warmer days)
• Never Be The Same by Camila Cabello (preach your girl-band breakaway, girl)

Okay, okay…I’m sorry. No country was included in the making of the list. In my defense, I live in Canada and it is snowy and -30 and country music is SO MUCH BETTER in a pair of daisy dukes, with a glass of iced tea on a sunny day.

Forever welcoming your song recommendations!

Happy Thursday (TOMORROW. IS. FRIDAY.)

 

New Year, New Resolutions

2016 was a treacherous year for me. I left my live-in boyfriend…with that, came leaving my home, and one of my dogs. 2017 hit, and I was ready to start a new year leading with forgiveness, though I was still healing from my broken heart. All I asked out of 2017 was for it to hold more beginnings than it did endings.

Oh, did it ever. In 2017, I found myself in a new relationship (despite my constant urge to fight it during the first half of the year). I met men while I was single (So. Many. Men.) – each of which, came with a brilliant story, and an even better lesson. I began a new job, which both fit me and challenged me more than any of my previous positions. And lastly, I welcomed a new puppy back into the family – finally balancing my fur-children count back up to three.

2016 was excruciating, but it propelled so much growth. Now that everything has levelled back out over the past year, what goals do I want to head into 2018 with?

• Success. Now that I’ve learned my lessons from my single year, and now that my heart has healed, I want to base my focus around being successful. In both my career and my writing. I hope to find clarity in my direction.
  • Write, write, write, write, WRITE.
• Financial stability. Okay…Rome wasn’t built in a day so I guess it might take longer than 365 days to achieve this. But, a girl can dream.
• Growth. 2016 was a year of growth, 2017 was a year of coasting and letting life happen TO me. In 2018, I want to strive toward growth (preferably without the broken heart this time).
• Read. Just get lost in a good book…or ten over the year.
• Lead with understanding instead of judgement.

What are your New Years resolutions? I wish you all the very best year.

Millennials and Dating

My girlfriend sent me an article about why our generation is failing at dating today. The article discussed technology, ghosting and disconnectedness. She especially related to it because of her recently ended relationship.

This article got me thinking: are Millennial’s “bad” at dating, due to our weakness at connecting on a deeper level? Or, are we simply a generation that refuses to settle, due to our independence, heightening access to the world, and wild imaginations (constantly dreaming of bigger goals, successes, and passions – always chasing the next high).

Fifty years ago, the norm was a stable marriage, happy children, and a white picket fence. That stability and “American Dream” is what the bulk of society chased. As the years wore on, we gained access to education, knowledge, power, equality, technology and the world as a whole. With this, the standard changed, or in some ways, abolished completely. Finally (and in my opinion, thankfully), individuality become accepted, and sometimes, celebrated.

Millennials found comfort in being alone. Perhaps, to some extent, we are never alone with our Instagram accounts and Netflix, but our bedrooms have become quiet and our beds have become empty. We no longer seek to fulfill the standard society laid out for us. Instead, we welcome adventure, and the world has become smaller, so men won’t chase the neighbour simply because the cease to believe a better fit might be out there.

The philosophies and social norms have changed with the generations. This may have made dating more “difficult” than the courting and and the 9 PM curfews. However, as scary as terms like “ghosting” and “bread crumbing” may be, if we are a generation that has learned to not settle for anything but extraordinary love, than did we really lose? Furthermore, if we are a generation who has learned to not only welcome, but accept independence, self-sufficiency, and on some nights (when the silence creeps in) even loneliness, then are we actually doing an injustice to dating? Or are we simply seeking justice for ourselves.

Thanks for reading, xx

 

8 Lessons From My Single Year

Hi lovelies,

This month (May 28, to be exact) marks one year since I moved out of the house I purchased with the man I thought I would end up marrying. A year ago, I was laying in bed next to his sleeping body wondering “how the hell do I get out of here?”. How was I supposed to leave? He may have been distant, but he had good intentions. He may have not provided for me emotionally, but he was not a bad person. I had actively built that life with him, and then I was searching for a way to leave it.

I have been gone for one year, now settled comfortably in my own (quiet) home, and here’s a little that I’ve learned:

• Silence can be music. An empty schedule can be the most fulfilling plans. Freedom and alone time does not have to equate to loneliness.
• Nothing is permanent. This is both the scariest and the most comforting thing I’ve learned over the last year. This point has allowed me to appreciate connections, pain, relationships and happiness more. Everything is fleeting.
• The little things really aren’t worth stressing about – the bitchy girl at work, the bill that comes out next Tuesday, the 2 AM date that left you crawling out of a guys bed. None of this matters – you can chose to embrace it or let it hinder you. Make it a story to share, roll with the punches, and breathe.
• Being single allows you to completely build your life the way YOU want too. There is no compromise, there is room for selfishness. You want to move to another city? Do it. You want to get a sleeve tattoo? Do it. You want to go to a bar in a brunette wig and introduce yourself as “Katie”? Do it.
• The best relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself. Nurture that relationship first. Love that woman first.
• Be unapologetically yourself. I spent so much time bending the basis of who I am as a person to please people. BE YOU. The right person will love you for it.
• Appreciate genuine connections but know that they don’t need to mean forever. You are 50% of those connections – be comfortable, be carefree, be sincere and they will come by more frequently.
• The most unsuspecting moments will become some of the most profound memories. That first dog-walking date that never produced a relationship, that back-deck conversation on a summer night…those will stick with you.
• Become the woman you dreamt off – independent, carefree, confident.

The most dangerous thing about me is that I am my favourite company. You will have to fight me for me. – OfYesterYear