Hung up on an ex?

I (regrettably) treat past relationships similarly to the death of a loved one. I’ve spent the greater part of my adult life mourning over the loss of a boyfriend. There were even times where I had been in a thriving, happy relationship, yet still (secretly) reviling from a broken heart. When I finally was capable of emotionally moving past one relationship, it seemed as if I had another one to miss. I have a difficult time coming to terms with minimizing the wonderful men that I’ve had the privilege to love to just a faint smile in the grocery store – your one time best friend becoming the epitome of a stranger, as if you never knew them at all.

One of my girl friends is now in a similar situation. She is working on letting a very long term relationship go, and she asked me what the secret is to moving passed her hurt.

Feel your hurt

I have experienced torrential loss throughout my life. I lost my brother to suicide, and my mother to cancer. However, I stand by the notion that there is no pain quite like heartbreak. It is such a unique, debilitating feeling. So, feel your hurt.

I’m convinced that part of my reason for carrying my hurt for so long is due to my fear of really feeling it at first. It was too painful, so I pushed through it…prolonging the effects. Cry, eat your weight in carbs, and when it’s time to pick yourself up, then stand back up.

Closure is bullshit

Two points for unpopular opinion. I have heard so many women saying “I just need closure”, as if their key to healing is in the hands of the person that broke their heart. At the end of the day, people will only tell you what they want to tell you – despite your pleas for “closure”.

You were in the relationship too, so you should be able to evaluate where the strengths and weaknesses fell. Find your own closure, and take the reasoning that they freely gave for face value.

Know your values

You are the only person who can set your standards. There is no “perfect” relationship, or a formula that will make everybody happy. Some people want financial stability, some people want passion and heat, some people want extraordinary love, and some people just want companionship. You have to find your match for the kind of relationship you want to have.

If you’ve met a man who has been on the search his whole life for a stay at home wife, but living that way makes you feel repressed, then you either have to compromise hugely or accept that you may just be on different paths.

A good guy does not mean that he is good for YOU

There are billions of wonderful, kind, hilarious successful men out there (I’ve had the pleasure of dating a handful of them), however just because you’ve found a good man, doesn’t mean he is a good match for you. Maybe you want different things, maybe you are on different paths, maybe timing just won’t permit the relationship right now.

Speaking of timing, do I believe that two people can eventually end up back together in a thriving, happy relationship? ABSOLUTELY! I am all for the underdog couple who came back together. However, I believe that time has to pass, pain has to heal, and lessons have to be learned before that can be successful. And in good news…if that isn’t the case for you, and one day you realize that the two of you probably won’t end up together, I believe that you’ll be in a better place, and at the point, you likely won’t care.

Which brings me to my next point…

Do not victimize, romanticize or “villainize”

Villainize – For starters, we have all been there with our girlfriends, “He was such a dick”. Sometimes it is exactly what you need to hear when you have a broken heart, but leaving a relationship with hate will keep you stuck. Leave it with love. I promise that you will find your heart more open when it is left with kindness, opposed to animosity. You probably did have bad times together, which is okay…it’s a sign that your relationship was coming to an end.

Romanticize – Now this was my FAVOURITE thing to do after a relationship. “But it was sooo good when it was good”. It was so easy to think back to the good times and the honeymoon phase, and use those memories to fuel your heartbreak. Step back and look at the big picture…good times came with the bad. Don’t lose sight of what your relationship was as a whole.

Victimize – When your heart is broken and you’re crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, it is easy to victimize yourself. Trust in the path of the universe and that you are exactly where you need to be. Eventually, one day, it really does make sense.

Analyze your ego

Okay, so this is a tough pill to swallow. Understand the power of ego and analyze what part it plays in the way you’re feeling. We all fall victim to wanting what we can’t have. What part of your grief is a bruised ego of no longer having this person pine over you?

On the other hand…when you receive a late night text from your ex, analyze what part ego is playing for them when they contact you after months. Maybe they just need the security of somebody they once loved still being on their roster.

A better door won’t open until you’ve learned to close the last one

The universe will NOT reward you for the work that you aren’t doing. Romantic relationships are some of the most powerful, influential, and yes, sometimes excruciating tools in our lifetime.

Through both love and heartbreak, you can learn so much about yourself. However, you have to put these lessons to use and learn from them in order for the universe to grant you something even better and stronger.

In the words of Elizabeth Gilbert, “if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself… then truth will not be withheld from you.”

And with that, how beautiful is it that we are taught invaluable lessons from all of the people that we once had the privilege to love? And that we have the ability to love greater, fuller, and stronger because of the part they played in your life?

HOW TO ESCAPE A RUT

I get it, and I’ve been there. I know those months where you’re simply just watching your chest as it rises and falls with air, but are lacking motivation (not to mention wild, vivid LIFE).

So how do you shake your rut, and get back to momentum? I recently made a little checklist of steps I find helpful in an attempt to pull myself out a watering hole and reset my drive.

Take it outside

It’s easy to get stagnant when you’re staring at the same four walls everyday. It’s easy to lose sight of your purpose, your values and your passions when you become too familiar with your surroundings.

Step outside – whether it is just for a brisk walk, a challenging hike, or a leisurely swim. Reacquaint yourself with nature and the wonder that our planet has to offer! By reminding yourself how vast the world is, it might help bring you back down to Earth, and see the larger picture.

Analyze your relationships

I am not a promoter of displacing your personal blame on the people around you. By no means am I suggesting that your relationships are the cause of your rut. However, it is important to evaluate the people you share your life with.

We should hold all of our relationships to the standard that we hold our romantic relationship to. Whether it is your boyfriend, your best friend, or your brother, they should encourage you to always vibrate at a higher frequency and chase your dreams! Attempt to surround yourself with people that are driven and motivated, and follow by their example. You and your tribe can celebrate each other’s triumphs!

Know your roots

When crawling out of a rut, recognize your roots. Revel at how far you have come, whether it be in terms of your career, your personality or your relationships. You are allowed to be a work in progress, but appreciate how many lightyears away you are from the little girl (or boy) that you once were.

Look at how far you’ve come as an example of how much further you can go.

Understand your comfort zone

When you hit a plateau, you may need to evaluate what is blocking you from moving forward in your journey. It’s easy to set barriers for yourself – this is called your comfort zone. Make tiny moves to step outside of your comfort zone.

“If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done.” – Thomas Jefferson

Set little goals

This point can resonate with understanding your comfort zone. Set little (achievable) goals, and celebrate when you surpass them. This exercise can help you reevaluate your comfort zone, whilst simultaneously giving you a little pat on the back when you complete a task.

A sense of accomplishment can always help push us out of our ruts, and motivate us to continue in a forward motion.

Emphasize your passion

Don’t lose sight of your strengths and your passions. Passion is the one thing that can keep us ticking when motivation and determination fade away. When the promise of a dollar is no longer incentive to push forward, evaluate how your passions play into all of your decisions.

Let me know the little tips and tricks you use to push yourself harder and further,

 

July 2018 PLAYLIST

Hey everyone!

 

I hope your summer is treating you well! We just celebrated Canada Day on July 1st, which means summer is really kicking off here. I know a lot of you have the 4th of July celebrations creeping up on you, so to all of my USA friends – have safe and be fun!

I have been getting lost in music lately and I had to share some of my favs with you guys.

• Summer Air – Italobrothers
• Midsummer Madness – 88rising (ft. Jodi, Rich Brian, Higher Brothers & AUGUST 08)
• Run – Matt Nathanson (ft. Sugarland)
• Love Ain’t – Eli Young Band
• You & Jennifer – bülow
• Glamorgan- Bryce Vine
• Vance Joy’s ENTIRE new album
• Mama’s Song – Carrie Underwood (tears)

Can’t wait to see what all of you are getting up to this July,

xx

SUMMER 2018 To-Read List

Hey everyone!

A change of pace from my post yesterday, but I want to hit a list of some must-read books for the 2018 summer season.

 The High Tide Club – Mary Kay Andrews

“The queen of the summer beach reads is releasing her latest novel, about an eccentric billionaire heiress, a young lawyer, and a group of former friends reuniting in a southern beach town. If you like stories about friendships, murder, love, and secrets in an impossibly gorgeous setting, this will be the summer read you can’t put down.” – Good Housekeeping

The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion

“From one of America’s iconic writers, a stunning book of electric honesty and passion. Joan Didion explores an intensely personal yet universal experience: a portrait of a marriage–and a life, in good times and bad–that will speak to anyone who has ever loved a husband or wife or child.” – Amazon

The High Season: A Novel – Judy Blundell

“In a beach town overrun with vacationers and newly colonized by socialites, one woman goes to extreme lengths when the life she loves is upended. The ultimate summer read, this novel of money, class, and family is perfect for fans of Meg Wolitzer, Curtis Sittenfeld, and Cynthia D’Aprix Sweeney’s The Nest.” – Good Reads

 

 

Peach – Emma Glass

“Something has happened to Peach. Staggering around the town streets in the aftermath of an assault, Peach feels a trickle of blood down her legs, a lingering smell of her anonymous attacker on her skin. It hurts to walk, but she manages to make her way to her home, where she stumbles into another oddly nightmarish reality: Her parents can’t seem to comprehend that anything has happened to their daughter.” – Bloomsbury

Milk and Honey – Rupi Kaur

“milk and honey is a collection of poetry and prose about survival. It is about the experience of violence, abuse, love, loss, and femininity. It is split into four chapters, and each chapter serves a different purpose, deals with a different pain, heals a different heartache. milk and honey takes readers through a journey of the most bitter moments in life and finds sweetness in them because there is sweetness everywhere if you are just willing to look.” – Good Reads

 

I hope that you found a couple interesting reads to your list!

What are next up for your reading pleasure?

Blurred Lines of Sexual Misconduct (…and just being a half decent person)

I was sent a picture of my vagina today. While I was getting my hair done. This was just one of a slew of nude pictures of myself that I have been sent.

From my ex boyfriend.

I could have gotten the same result with a hand mirror and a good angle, however, my ex boyfriend has felt impelled to send me unsolicited nude photos of myself. We broke up about two years ago now, and since, I have moved on to my dream relationship with my dream man. Yet, the picture’s of myself keep rolling in. Annoyingly.

This was a man that I trusted, and I pictured in my future. This was a man that I thought respected me, and my body. And yes, rest assured, this was a man that I had REQUESTED delete the photos of me post-breakup.

After finally having enough of this, I sat down with my father (yes, my dad) to discuss the situation that was occurring. What was the motive behind this behaviour? Best case scenario, it’s a power move. Worst case, it’s a non-verbal threat. Did we have a case to bring to court? Could this be considered sexual harassment? Is this grounds for a restraining order? Hmm…unlikely.

Unfortunately, this has only been one incidence I’ve had since being single that blur the lines of sexual misconduct. I’ll save you the gory details of my sex life, but let’s talk more broadly. The hockey player that receives a “nudie” from the girl in his math class, and just tilts his phone to the right so three other players can see her exposed. The new boyfriend that convinces his girlfriend to have sex with him for the first time, despite her  claims of not being ready. The working husband who demands sex from his stay at home wife because he “works hard to put food on the table”. The one night stand who took a woman home who consented to sex WITH a condom, but he thrusted into her because he  “didn’t hear her”. The aching man who texts his uninterested ex girlfriend daily, without threat, but continues despite her insistence on him stopping. And you guessed it folks, the ex boyfriend who sent the girl nude photos of herself just to remind her that he had the power.

I’m talking the cases that would be weak in a court of law, but happen on a daily basis. The cases that we have little to no fight against. The cases that do not have sanctions in the Criminal Code, and can, somehow, be justified in the minds of a perpetrator just enough to help him sleep at night.

So who do I think is to blame for this epidemic? What is the cause of it?

I live in Canada, where our Criminal Justice System is both strong and fair. In my country, we have little tolerance for rape, and throw the book at serious offences. The justice system has done a good job navigating sexual abuse claims (for the most part), and our society talks openly about the importance and definition of consent. Except what about the grey areas?

Despite our best efforts, we are still a male-dominated society, where power is highly sought after. With technology, harassment has become easier than ever. Not to mention, with social media constantly feeding into our egos, it has become increasingly difficult to accept rejection. With one Instagram post, you can feel enough validation to last you a whole week – when people have 10,000 followers gawking over you, is it becoming easier  to believe that you are entitled to the things that you want?

I’m not saying that everybody falls victim to this, because I know they don’t. For instance, I have found myself the most handsome (sort of biased), yet humble man that does nothing but treat me with upmost respect. I say no, it’s a no…and he hears it with nothing other than gentlemanly class. Nor am I saying that this is only a male-centred issue, that’s just where majority (or all) of my expertise lies.

In response to my ex boyfriend’s well-executed, power-dominated “harassment”, I reclaimed the power. Instead of harbouring and suppressing this, I spoke to my dad, boyfriend, best friend, and hair dresser about this. I created an emergency plan to be initiated in the event that these photos are leaked (which luckily, is a criminal offence with no grey area).

Yet here I am still questioning, why the need for power and ego have the ability to override kindness, human decency and respect? How do we, as a whole, reverse this way of prioritizing?

SUMMER DATE IDEAS

Hello lovelies,

For all of my people in the Western hemisphere, I hope summer is treating you well and that you’re getting plenty of well-SPF’ed sunshine! I know that summer is one of the most romantic seasons (whether you’re in a long-term relationship or playing the singles game), so I came up with a list of summer date ideas that’ll be worth checking out this season.

Hiking

• Okay, so I’m a little biased, and I live only 3 minutes away from Jasper and the Great Canadian Rockies! Sothroughout the summer, you can frequently find me hiking up a mountain. However, if you don’t have easy access to the mountains, you can still hike local trails!

Beach days

• Okay, so there might not be too many things more relaxing than a beach date with your beau. Rent a canoe, paddle board or kayaks to make the day a little more adventurous! Or even catch the sunset on the water.

Local/county fair

• Go walk the county fair, appreciate the street performers, snack on some cotton candy, win a teddy bear and MOST DEFINITELY take a romantic trip for two around the ferris wheel.
• Speaking of ferris wheel – I NEED TO GO TO BRIGHTON.

Volunteer

• I know that majority of non-profit organizations are looking for volunteers, and not to mention – ANIMAL SHELTERS! I volunteer at one of the local shelters in Edmonton, Alberta and I love it. Spend your date day making the world a better place!

• 

Berry Picking

• I know in Canada, we have lots of farmers that let people come through with buckets and pick berries, apples, vegetables, etc. Pinpoint a warm evening to do this with your handsome beau.

Wine tasting

• This is for my 18+ (or 21+ in the USA) peeps, but a wine tasting date is a great idea! Book a wine tour, and sip on some alcohol in the summer sun
• Not to mention, is there any very more beautiful than a vineyard?

Star gazing

• All I’m saying, is that your boyfriend has a pickup truck, then lay down a blanket and drive out to a remote location. Pop some bubbly and just lay there and look at the BEAUTIFUL NIGHT SKY!

Driving range

• Go hit some balls and show that you’re a good sport! Besides, he can wrap his arms around you.

Let me know if you have any additional date ideas for the summer? I’ll be using them for me and mine!

Happy sunshine and summertime,

Shop here: www.muttsnmotivation.com 

Visit me here: www.instagram.com/celinadawdy

Writer, dog lover…and BUSINESS OWNER?

Hello all my lovely friends,

I apologise for my recent absence. I have had my sights set on a business venture that I am SO passionate in. As majority of you know, I am an avid animal lover. I own three of my own little rascals, that made my entire world spin around. I have been a volunteer at the local shelter for three years now, and have done fundraising on the side since I was a child.

I finally got the ball rolling on my own online shop! I sell apparel for animal lovers – and get this – a percentage of proceeds goes toward North American rescues! I am so excited to finally be doing something that makes my heart sing, while simultaneously giving back.

 

Here are a few samples of the things we are selling! Not to mention, we can have your favourite breed written in the FRIENDS font on the most cozy crewneck EVER!

Despite the fact that these samples look like they are geared toward the pitbull lover, I can customise any of the samples to fit the breed and/or name of your favourite fur-baby!

If you’re interested in checking it out, you can find me HERE.

I hope you all had a lovely long weekend, xx

#humboldtstrong

I met death in the form of suicide and disease. Death, to me, was always introduced with the concept of acceptance. I naively believed that in order to die, you have to accept it – or perhaps, even welcome it. I, and all of my friends, were immune to death because we were young and breathing and full of life.

But then, death re-introduced itself to me at 7 PM on April 6th in the face of tragedy, with my loving, kind boyfriend weeping in my arms, mourning the loss of his best friend. Death re-introduced itself to my life, and to the lives of every other Canadian…on a bus, on the plains of Saskatchewan, on a chilly evening, on the way to a playoff game. Death engulfed sixteen lives without warning, without explanation and without acceptance. And there, my relationship with death had been permanently changed.

Ten days later, I sat third row at a funeral service for a 21 year old man. He was handsome, funny, and kind. He was a friend, a son, a brother, a leader and an incredible hockey player. The service was beautiful, and as the speeches rolled in, so did the smiles and the tears and the odd giggle of the stories that held so much LIFE.

And then, something so powerful happened.

The pastor opened up the mic for the crowd to tell their stories of the lost. An unfamiliar man from the back stood up, and walked toward the front. He was older and wearing a Humboldt Broncos jersey. He held no paper speech as he walked confidently up toward the stand. I watched him as I wondered who this stranger was. And then he spoke.

“My name is Toby Boulet. My son is Logan Boulet, who passed on April 6th,” I was quick to realize that Logan Boulet, also a victim of the Humboldt crash, was a teammate of Conner’s.

The whole crowd silenced, and I began to weep as this man stood there in front of everyone. Just days after burying his own son, he made his way to Slave Lake to mourn the loss of his son’s teammate. His speech was short, but astounding.

Toby Boulet quoted the book Wonder by R.J. Palacio, “I think there should be a rule that everyone in the world should get a standing ovation at least once in their lives,” followed by, “To Conner Lukan”.

The entire crowd stood, and clapped hard, while Toby Boulet walked off stage and hugged Conner’s dad. The embrace was long and hard – these two men connecting after losing their sons.

It was in that moment, applause all around me, that not only my relationship with death was changed – but my relationship with life too.

As we walked out of the church, I looked to my boyfriend, “If we get to experience a moment so beautiful and powerful like that on Earth, than how beautiful must Heaven be?”

February 2018 PLAYLIST

I’m back (already) with a peek into my phenomenal music favs. Hit me up for a little singer/songwriter, some EDM…you name it, I got it (except for you metal fans – I can’t get on board with that. I’m sorry.

• I’m Not Her by Clara Mae (brb, dancing in my panties with a glass of wine)
• Mine by Bazzi (you so fkn’ precious when you smiiiiile)
• We’re Going Home by Vance Joy (put it on the record: I want this to be my funeral song. With any luck, Vance Joy will be my mourning husband (love you so much))
• The Best You Had by Nina Nesbitt (irrelevant to my current relationship but I just DWELL on the time my shitty ex-boyfriend cheated on me and dated “the other girl” after)
• 13 and The Breakup and EVERYTHING by LANY (so glad I found this incredible team)
• Summer Air by Italobrothers (dreaming of warmer days)
• Never Be The Same by Camila Cabello (preach your girl-band breakaway, girl)

Okay, okay…I’m sorry. No country was included in the making of the list. In my defense, I live in Canada and it is snowy and -30 and country music is SO MUCH BETTER in a pair of daisy dukes, with a glass of iced tea on a sunny day.

Forever welcoming your song recommendations!

Happy Thursday (TOMORROW. IS. FRIDAY.)

 

Fitness Favs

Happy Humpday, lil’ lovebugs!

As some of you may know, I’ve found myself falling head over heels in love with fitness over the passed eight years or so. Over the past five, I have retired my position as a “Cardio Bunny” and have gotten lost in the weight room a time or two (or six times a week, religiously).

After binge-watching Whitney Simmons’ YouTube videos lately (whatever, I am CONVINCED we would eat HaloTop and throw down savage sarcasm every night of the week), I figured I would share a few of my fitness must haves with you!

lululemon.com

lululemon.com

lululemon.com

Lululemon Wunder Unders – $98 CAD

• These are my tried-and-true, my ride-or-die. I wear these to the gym, I wear these to work (casual office), I wear these to the grocery store. Wunder Under’s suck you right in and are ohhh so flattering (nobody to ever be the wiser that I ate an entire pizza last night in these bad-boys)

Lululemon Align Pants – $98 CAD

• Okay, okay. I’m new here. I just bought my first pair of Align’s about a month ago. Everyone was talkin’ about them and I was skeptical.  THESE. ARE BUTTER. Honestly, so soft. Not making my stomach look as flat as my Wunder Under’s, but I don’t even just feel like I’m on a cloud in these – I AM THE CLOUD. Highly recommended. Only downside to these is I sometimes literally feel self conscious that I forgot to put pants on because they feel hella naked.

Lululemon Swiftly Tech Long Sleeve Crew – $78 CAD

• They make this in a long sleeve, a tee-shirt, a tank top. I have all of them. I’ll wear all of them this week.

apple.ca

sportchek.com

nike.ca

sportchek.com

Nike Dri-FIT Element – $100 CAD

• You running stairs on a warm Spring day? You going for a little jog? You playing golf? This Dri-FIT long sleeve will be your best friend.

Apple AirPods – $219 CAD

• Once upon a time, I briefly dated a very successful, kind man that gifted these to me for Christmas. Bless your kind soul. Best part? Workout with me and I’ll let you listen to one and we can jam out to the same song simultaneously. THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING.

Fitbit Blaze – $249.99 CAD

• Designed to make me feel guilty for every lame workout I have 2k18.

Adidas Ultraboost – $239.99 CAD

• These are pure bliss. I have my eye on the Adidas NMD next (I see you, Whitney).

MAN BCAA’s – varying prices

• THEY HAVE A SWEDISH FISH FLAVOUR.
• But seriously, BCAA’s are essential in muscle recovery – and they taste good. Win, win.

Celucor C4 Pre-Workout – varying prices

• For the pump.

Really real picture of me pretending to like running stairs in my Lululemon Wunder Under crops and Swiftly Tech long sleeve.

What are your fitness favourites, must-have gear and products for a better pump?